Monthly Archives: April 2012
There are many habits that all of us have, but the single girl’s habits might be hard to break. There are some you can live with, but if some of the others cannot be broken, is it best to stay in the relationship anyway? Yes, women admit that they do some pretty quirky stuff that might scare her partner away if they ever see her doing them. Find out which ones you can and cannot live without when it comes down to her habits that she had when she was a single girl.
- Making salad in a giant bowl and using the bowl for prep and eating to avoid washing any more dishes than necessary. This might be something that looks stupid but saving time when it comes to washing dishes later seems worth it.
- Rinsing dishes instead of using actual soap. Soap is overrated when you are the only one that is using the dishes in your home. They are your own germs, right?
- Washing your hands after using the bathroom when you’re alone, no one is around. Who wants to waste the hand soap?
- Drinking straight from the bottle or carton. Yup, we all know we do it when no one is looking. Why waste a glass, or use one for that matter when you’re the only one there?
- Eating straight out of the fridge or taking the food in bed with a laptop. This just cuts down prep time and time to sit down alone to eat your dinner.
- Spilling something on the counter, and then wiping it down on the floor. Any types of crumbs do not stay on the counter for long, and they end up on the floor. Then they get stuck to your socks, yup this is something she does.
- We are going to follow up the previous comment with wearing the same pair of socks multiple times. Even though they are dirty, why not wear them again. No one sees them anyway. Saves on laundry too.
- Using your towel a long time before deciding to wash it. This just means less laundry since you do not have socks to wash either.
- Waiting to buy toilet paper. Hey, you have tissues and paper towels, right? You can wait it out another week or so.
- Taking a lot longer to wash period stained sheets than you actually think. Who wants to wash sheets? You’re the only one sleeping in them so who is going to actually see them?
- Sleeping with a teddy bear or stuffed animal of some sort. What? She is a lonely person and doesn’t want to sleep alone; there is nothing wrong with Kermit or FuzzyBuns to be in the bed too?
- Cupping our vagina or bare breasts while watching television. Yup, don’t you guys ever do that to yourselves? We do it too, so what?
- Taking Facebook pictures in the mirror on end because we just can. We want to make sure we get every angle possible.
- Listening to the same song on loop for a week straight. It doesn’t even matter if it something that is not so in at this time. If we like it, we like it.
You have to find out when is the best time to say those three little words. If you do it too soon, it might come as a shock to the one you’re with and they may not take to it so kindly. As for saying it a little later, it might not be the best timing. When is the right time?
Usually it is the woman that says these three words first, but women you should let him say them first. Becoming too emotionally attached is something we are notorious for. It is hard to hold back those words when you just want to let that other person know how you feel and you do not know any other way to tell or show them. Of course, you should pay attention to these guidelines when it comes down to saying it.
You should say it when you’re sober… this should go without saying since you do not want the other person to think that it is the alcohol talking and not really you. If you say it and you’re tipsy, it might not go over so well so make sure to stay away from the bubbly when it is time to say it.
When you’re in the sack… while rolling around and doing the dirty deed, you want to make sure that if you say or even yell those words it might just be because it was in the heat of the moment. Once the fog and haze lifts however, you might not feel the same. This is why saying it when you’re not caught in the moment is better than in the moment.
When you’re not face to face… this might be a problem if you tell them over text, phone, or email because it is not really personal this way. If you feel strongly about this person then you should not have a problem telling them to their face and not behind an electronic. They might not take it seriously if you put it at the end of your convo if you have never said it before.
Try it out first… a lot of the time guys have a hard time saying that they love you because they do not want to seem too needy. If you say it first then chances are they will reciprocate. They have an easier time saying I love you too then actually saying it first. This can take the pressure off him and allow you to confess how you feel at the same time without having to bottle it up and wait.
No relationship is perfect, and a lot of us have a hard time. That is because two people have to work in order for the relationship to work. Of course, there are common problems that most, if not all couples come across during their length in the relationship. There are ways to fix things like this; you just have to find them. Having an open communication with your partner can help you both solve issues, while also making sure that no new issues are being created at the same time. This will help the relationship last longer. One person cannot try alone; they both have to try and work together to keep the relationship afloat. Here are some common problems, and a way to solve them if you ever come across them.
This might be a big one for anyone in a relationship. Maybe you’re not getting enough? Maybe you’re getting it too much? Maybe you just don’t like it when you do it? Having enjoyable sex brings the couple closer and allows them to show their love through this means.
Whatever the issue is, it can be resolved. Making sure that you both tell each other what you want done during this time, or perhaps having a date each day or week to do this can be helpful. You can also see a qualified sex professional.
During this day in age, money is usually a big issue in relationships and a lot of them do not last because of it. Before any financial decisions are made, they should be talked about with your partner if it is something large in the relationship.
You can see a financial advisor, be honest, do not throw heat out at the other person, set up joint accounts for bills and separate for spending money, and most of all: keep the communication open!
Conflicts can also be an issue in a relationship, but some conflicts are good unless you have them every day. Take a look at how to resolve these conflicts in a relationship. You are not a victim and you have a choice on you react to the situation.
Be honest with yourself and with the other person. Give a little during this time. You might receive a lot in return.
This can be probably the biggest issue in relationships, especially if you have been hurt in the past. You have to remember to leave the past behind. This is a new person, and they are not going to do the things the other one did to you.
Make sure to be open, listen, don’t judge or accuse, and be the best person that you can. Everyone makes mistakes, but when they are made a lot, the other person will lose trust in you and the relationship can go downhill from there.
Romance and sex are not the same. If you’re not getting swooned and changing things up a bit then the relationship can become stale. You want to make sure the other person knows how you feel about this topic, and that you just do not feel appreciated.
You should appreciate them as well. Doing little things can go a long way, especially if you have been together for a while.
Being familiar with online dating safety tips is key to protecting yourself when exploring the world of online dating. Many people turn to online dating as a way to broaden their horizons and meet other singles. They might sign up for an online site, such as eHarmony, or communicate with others via forums and social media.
While online dating can help you meet Mr. or Mrs. Right, there are major benefits of face-to-face interaction. With face-to-face communication you can read body language, pick up negative vibes, see facial expressions and hear the other person’s tone of voice. This is often how we determine whether someone is worthy of consideration or a complete psycho.
There’s nothing wrong with turning to the Internet for help with your love life. But at the same time, you need to practice a few online dating safety tips.
1. Never Give Out Your Confidential Personal Information. The Internet lets you meet different people in different locations. However, it’s also the perfect place to take advantage of the vulnerable and naive. Do not let your guard down, keep each person at arm’s length and don’t believe everything that you hear.
Some so-called online suitors might fill your ears with sob stories of financial troubles and other difficulties. While it’s okay to sympathize with their plight, never go into your pocket or give out your information. This includes bank account information, credit card numbers and your Social Security number. Understand, however, these manipulative people do not ask for help early in the relationship. They might wait several weeks or months and attempt to build your trust. It doesn’t matter if you’re in an online relationship for two minutes or two months — keep your information safe.
2. Stay Anonymous. Lets be honest: there are a lot of unstable and mentally sick people in the world. If you’re longing for a relationship and desperately want to connect with someone, you might be tempted to give them your full name, address and telephone number during the early stage. Fight this urge. There’s a measure of danger associated with online dating. You don’t know this person, nor their past and it’s best to stay anonymous during the beginning phase of the relationship. It’s okay to give your first name and maybe your cellphone number. But keep your home address and home phone number secret — at least until you’re absolutely positive that this individual isn’t a complete lunatic.
3. Plan a Group Meeting. When you finally decide to come face-to-face with your online friend, plan a group meeting in a public place. Don’t bring the person to your house and don’t meet them alone. You don’t necessarily have to bring all of your closest friends with you, but bring at least one other person. Encourage your online friend to do the same. Choose a location that allows for conversation, such as a restaurant or the lounge area of a hotel.
Online dating safety tips do not imply paranoia. Remember, your safety is of upmost importance and your online friend should feel the same about his or her safety. If he or she doesn’t, be extra careful and watch for red flags.
Whether you’re starting a new relationship or developing an existing relationship, you likely recognize the importance of alone time. This lets you talk with the other person and get to know them better. You can always go to the person’s house to talk. But why spend time indoors when you can take advantage of a wealth of activities outside the house?
Some couples experience cash-flow problems, which might keep them inside the house. However, you don’t have to spend a lot of money to have a good time. Actually, you don’t have to spend any money at all. Regardless of whether you’re an indoors or an outdoors person, there are plenty of fun date ideas that won’t break the bank.
1. Beach Day
What better way to spend a date on the cheap? It’s free to use a public beach. You might have to spend a few bucks on parking. But you can bring your own food and drink, as well as a frisbee, football and music. Talk on a blanket, fly a kite on the sand or play in the ocean. Even if you’re not a water and sand type of person, there are still plenty of fun activities to do at the beach. Ride your bike on the boardwalk or people watch from the boardwalk.
2. Nature Day
Going to a local park or taking a hike through the forest doesn’t cost a thing and it gives you and your significant other the chance to know each other better. Bring your camera along and take random shots of the scenery, or toss your bikes on the back of the car and explore the nature trails on wheels.
Local museums are often free or very inexpensive. Depending on your interests, plan to spend a few hours checking out your local selections. There’s a museum for every type of interest – art, natural history, science and animals.
4. Free Entertainment
Free entertainment is plentiful in the big cities. But even if you live in a smaller metropolitan area, you can find a host of concerts and free attractions — especially throughout the summer months. Free activities can include symphony productions under the stars and other outdoor concert series. Check the local paper for information on free local bands and free events being held at the library or city park.
5. Carnival Date
Don’t think that carnivals are only for little children and families. Even if you don’t have kids, a carnival date is perfect for showing your playful side and admission is usually free. Yeah, there’s the cost of tickets, but you don’t have to buy a lot. Plus, you can skip the expensive restaurant and get a hot dog, soda and cotton candy.
6. Shared Dinner and a Matinee
Dinner and a movie are perfect for date night. But at the end of the night, you can spend more than you had planned. Yet, there’s an easy fix. Pick a showtime before 5 p.m. and save several dollars on your movie tickets. Take it a step further and share an entree at a restaurant. One entree greatly reduces your food expense and lets you leave a smaller tip.
Being cash strapped shouldn’t stop you from having a fun date night. All it takes is a little creativity and you’ll stumble upon plenty of date ideas that won’t break the bank.
Online dating might not be the best thing for you, but it just might be for other people. There are pros and cons to online dating, just like there are to any other kind of dating out there. Finding out if online dating is right for you should be one of the first things that you do when it comes time to sign on and mingle. Weigh these pros and cons on your list to find out if online dating just might be what you need to meet the right person.
It saves time – Not only can you talk to many people at once, and decide which ones you want to meet, but you can actually block people from ever talking to you by filling out surveys on who you would like to meet.
You have a greater selection – You do not have to be limited when it comes to who you meet when dating online. This is because you can search through cities and cities of people that are qualified singles that you just might have a spark or two with.
Rejection is reduced online – You have fewer rates for rejection online since they just might not talk to you. You can also not talk to someone and it does not become awkward in the end since it is just a button and you do not have to meet anyone.
You have a better chance to know someone before actually dating – Having this chance to actually find out more about a person can help the relationship in the long run since you will know more about who they are. Learn about them then meet them, and see where it goes from there.
You can do a more focused search – This allows you to choose the type of person you want right down to their eye or hair color, or find out the social singles in your local area. This can eliminate those people that you would have to say no to anyway. Skip right over the ones that won’t work out, and jump right into the ones that will.
It is a bit scary – This is because you’re meeting someone from the internet that you do not actually know. You might feel a bit nervous or scared so make sure to meet in a public area.
The number of men outnumber the number of women on sites – This can be a problem if you’re a male looking for a female and there are only so many to choose from. Make sure to choose your website wisely.
Misrepresentation is common – It is common for people to misrepresent themselves online. They can Photoshop pictures or talk about the things that they do or like; that is not necessarily true. Make sure to talk to them a bit before jumping right in.
There might be a fee – When online dating, not all of the websites are free, so you might have to pay monthly fees to talk to the members of the website that you’re interested in. You want to make sure that you do your research on the site beforehand. We like MyDatingSocial.com - it’s a new way of dating online and offline through events. This site offers a free premium membership if you sign up now and upload your profile picture.
Having been online dating since moving to NYC in 2000, it goes without saying that I have more experience perusing men’s online dating profiles than any single gal should. I want to share with you what I’ve found to be the top ten dating profile “red flags” that could save you the ridiculous amount of time that I have now forever lost by corresponding with and/or going out with some total losers.
Disclaimer: To any of the men whose profiles inspired and unknowingly lent to the quotes that comprise my post, let’s all hope for your sake that knowing is truly half the battle.
1. Hat Trick
If a guy’s profile only features photos of him sporting a baseball cap, don’t just assume that it’s his favorite hat or that all of the photos must have been taken from the same outing. In “physical description” he may have even filled in the question of “hair color” with “ask me later.” Don’t get me wrong, a lot of bald guys are hot. What’s NOT hot is a self-loathing, insecure guy that’s hiding under his hat.
2. “Model” Citizen
Avoid a guy that talks about how he does some “acting and modeling on the side,” is a “former model/personal trainer,” or any variation of having once had a “lucrative career as a model.” They either feel that all they have going for them is their looks, are living in the past, or they’re not looking so great these days and are hoping by mentioning they used to model, you will find them hotter.
3. CAPITAL OFFENSE
ANY GUY THAT WRITES HIS ENTIRE PROFILE IN ALL CAPS SHOULD BE AVOIDED AT ALL COSTS. I.E. “I`M JUST YOUR EVERY DAY PEOPLE AND WOULD LIKE TO MEET SOMEONE SEXY, AND DOWN TO EARTH.” UH, CAPITAL “NO.” IT’S AS IF THEY’RE OVER-COMPENSATING WITH LARGE FONT FOR THEIR SMALL INTELLECTUAL CAPACITY.
4. “Killer” Profile
If a guy’s profile pic even remotely resembles Jeffrey Dahmer, to the point where you’re seriously questioning if it is actually him or perhaps a first cousin, you might want to go ahead and click “next.” You know what I’m talking about, the thin guy with the glasses, scraggily hair and a total menacing, pedofile-esque look on his smile-less face. Granted, some people aren’t photogenic and look better in person, but honestly, are you willing to risk your life on it?
5. Lost In Translation
“Maybe should me first by said that English is no my speaking.” If you think that was hard to decipher, imagine how much time he put “into” perfecting it via his use of the [insert any foreign language] to English on-line dictionary. I’m sorry ladies, I don’t know about you, but I for one don’t have the patience to date a guy that requires subtitles. I’ve done it once, and you just end up smiling and nodding a lot.
6. Actions Speak Louder Than Words
I get really turned off by the guys that describe themselves as “very attractive,” “charming,” “kind,” “honest,” “generous,” “romantic,” “blah,” “blah,” “adjective,” “blah.” First of all, “attractiveness” is in the eye of the beholder, so post your pic and let us be the judge. And as for the rest of it, I feel it should come across in what you say and be more of a “show-not-tell.”
7. Humor Me
Along those same lines are the guys that find the need to describe their humor ala “I have a dry wit, sure to make you laugh,” or “I think that my most marked trait is a somewhat self-deprecating sense of humor.” They may even go as far as to say, “I’m the funniest guy you’ll ever meet. LOL.” Be warned ladies, these are likely the least funny guys ever. Date the self-proclaimed “funny guy” and you’ll be courtesy laughing for life.
8. Don’t “Hang” Yourself
“I’m looking for someone to hang out with and get to know.” Translation: I’m not looking for a relationship or to take you out on dates. I just want to come “kick it “ at your crib late night, so I can get familiarized with your liquor cabinet and favorite positions. Don’t worry, I’ll bring the 420. Let’s just say these relationships tend to be as short-lived and easily delete-able as the text messages they’re usually founded on.
9. Come Correct
If someone mentions that they are “opened to the possibilities,” “have interests which might seem like contractions,” are “emmotionally available” and/or, get this, find “grammatical errors an spelling mitakes a turn off,” you may even want to go as far as to “flag” the profile as inappropriate.
10. “Fit” To Be Tied
Avoid any and all guys that say, “working out and staying in shape are very high on my list of priorities.” They probably then delve into stats on how frequently they go to the gym. They of course like to do a “variety of things including hiking, skiing, triathlons, running, biking, etc.” They keep themselves “in tip-top shape and believe the body is a gift and should be maintained.” What they clearly haven’t realized is that being SO “fit” and “big” actually makes “it” appear even smaller than what they’re already trying to over-compensate for.
As single women, it’s not always easy to go after what you want, to put yourself out there without fearing the possibility of rejection or coming across as desperate. Here are my tried-and-true reject-proof ways to covertly pick up men. Trust me, take my advice and they won’t know what hit ‘em.
1. “Digital Underground”
This tactic is guaranteed to not only get him to take your number but also get his digits. This requires an over-sized, seemingly disorganized looking purse or bag and can pretty much be used anywhere. I inadvertently stumbled upon this maneuver on a flight home to Texas. I was on a crowded airplane and during the ‘hustle and bustle’ of stowing my luggage and getting settled in my seat came to discover I no longer had my cell phone. In a panic, I turned to the guy in the seat behind me, explained the situation and asked if he could call my phone so I could try to find it. Gave him my digits and had him make the call.
As soon as I heard my phone start ringing I immediately realized what had just transpired and the new “super power” I now possessed of being able to give hot guys my number while simultaneously obtaining theirs. Turned out my cell was in my purse. We shared a laugh, chatted before take-off and ended up going out for a drink later that weekend as he conveniently had my digits and ended up “text” asking me out.
2. “The Bend Sans Snap”
This would end up being my biggest take-away from the movie Legally Blonde years after the fact, but I must say it is one of the most effective ways to initiate a conversation with a guy you’re interested in. It’s especially effective to use at a party. The first time I attempted it was on a dare at a party, my “gay husband” dared me to do the “bend and snap” to get the attention of a hot guy. I said “fine”, strutted by him dropping my clutch, practically on his foot. I seductively bent down, arched my back while picking it up…and before I could even manage a snap, he asked if I had lead in my purse. Thirty minutes later into a conversation with this guy, I realized that there was really something to this whole “bend and snap” thing.
I’ve since done it with car keys, lipstick, and even towels at the gym. Cell phones work really well, because sometimes your phone will fall apart upon hitting the floor and that buys you more time with the guy as he tries to put it back together and even sympathy if he can’t fix it (Disclaimer: make sure it’s insured or this can quickly become costly). I’ve definitely done the “bend sans snap” without so much as even a glance from my target, but I’d say it works 75% of the time and the times it didn’t work I’m pretty sure the guys were non-breeders or at least that’s what I tell myself to make it okay.
3. “Fly Me To The Moon”
I came to discover this technique riding the subway home from work. I was fixated on a super hot guy standing by the door, think Boris Kodjoe. I was looking him up and down and up and down, about to do a thrice over when I noticed his fly was totally down. I walked over to him and whispered “your fly”. He of course was caught off guard, fumbling as he tried to quickly and discreetly zip it up. He kept thanking me for looking out for him and was so appreciative. We ended up chatting until my stop came upon which he asked for my digits.
If we were all only so lucky to constantly run into hot guys with their fly down. Desperate times call for desperate measures; you’ve got to create these “fly down” situations for yourself. If I see a cute guy in line or sitting at the bar now I’ll sometimes be like, “you’ve got something in your nose”, or “a little something on your mouth.” Totally makes the guy vulnerable and embarrassed as they start wiping their face and trying to get “it” off and it opens the door for them to talk to you. Keep in mind this tactic works best if done ‘one on one’ and discreetly. You’re probably not going to win him over if you “out” him for the stain on his pants in front of the entire office.
4. “Be Direct, Ask For Directions”
It’s a little known fact; men love being the “experts.” They also tend to eat up the whole damsel in distress routine, leading us to our fourth and final method for getting their attention. If I’m ever walking somewhere and see an attractive guy on the street I’ll walk up to him and say, “excuse me, I’m totally lost can you help me find ‘blah’.”
If a guy is interested in me, this will lead to an entire conversation where I will share how I’ve been directionally challenged my entire life, where I’m originally from, hell, I may even get him to drop what he’s doing entirely and escort me to my “destination”. At the end of the day, what’s the worst thing that can happen? If he’s not that “into” you, he’ll tell you where to go, you’ll ignore his directions and be on your merry way.
I’ll never forget my first speed dating event. I was 32, single, living in NYC and SO unimpressed with the dating scene. I had tried pretty much every singles event out there and then decided to give speed dating a go. I signed up for an event for singles 25-35. Upon arriving, I found myself surrounded by a sea of short, unattractive, socially awkward men. My first date started with the guy saying, “I know you, you’re on Match.com. I emailed you 10 times and you never responded to me. I paid my $40 and now you have to talk to me for 8 minutes.”
That brutal experience was the catalyst for me being inspired to create my own dating service where I could finally meet the type of men I was looking to meet while subsidizing my income at the same time.
Why Speed Dating:
At a bar, you don’t know who is single and it’s not always easy to strike up a conversation with a stranger. With speed dating, there’s WAY less disappointment and false advertising than the online dating scene, as you get to check out the merchandise up close and in-person.
Chemistry is instant– it’s either there or it’s not. Speed dating gives you the chance to assess having a connection with someone without committing to the time and expense of a full-on date. Plus, you can meet anywhere from 10-25 singles in a night. That’s more “dates” than the majority of people go on in a year.
What To Expect:
Most speed dating events take place at bars and lounges, coffee shops or restaurants. Upon arriving you will check in with your event host and receive a name tag, dating pamphlet and pencil. Next, you will be seated at a numbered table with your first “date” of the night. Once the official start bell rings, you will have approximately 3-5 minutes to get to know each other. The dating pamphlets and pencils are to takes notes on your dates so you can remember who’s who after the event.
After 3-5 minutes, a bell will sound signaling the end of the date. At this time, the women will usually remain seated and the men will rotate to the next table. The event will end once everyone has met. You’ll either select your matches online at home after the event, or you’ll turn your pamphlets into your host and they’ll do the matching for you, emailing you the contact information of any interested suitors within 2-3 days after the event.
My Top 10 Speed Dating Survival Tips:
1. Saved By The Bell
Depending on the service you’re using, “dates” can range anywhere from 3-12 minutes. Our events are 3 minutes — I’d rather leave you wanting more than wanting to slit your wrists. And trust me, there are always going to be some painful dates in the mix — the ones that have nothing to say, or equally enjoyable, the ones who won’t shut up. I also recommend going with a company that guarantees a minimum of ten dates.
2. Age Ain’t Nothing But A Number
Think about it: are you more likely to hit it off with someone because they fall within your same 28-35 age range, or because they meet your height requirement, enjoy the same pastimes or hobbies as you, and perhaps even share your same political views? We all have relationship “deal-breakers,” and those do not make us shallow. We’re just discerning singles that know what we want. By registering to attend a themed event (i.e. tall singles, democratic or fitness singles) you will increase the odds of hitting it off with someone.
3. Be Open
There may be an event where you are NOT attracted to anyone in attendance. You may even come to that realization before the event begins. If that’s the case, don’t get negative or shut yourself off to the possibility of meeting someone. I’ve even seen people that have paid for an event, show up, give the crowd a once over and discreetly leave before the event starts. So maybe you don’t meet your next boyfriend, but you could meet your next boss, wing woman or workout partner. You may even meet “the guy” that will be responsible for later introducing you to “the one.” Don’t close yourself off to the possibilities.
4. Breathe Friendly
Always have gum or mints on hand. You’re going to be seated within close proximity of 10-25 “dates” and talking a mile a minute. You definitely don’t want to be without gum or mints midway through an event if your breath suddenly starts kickin’ (not to mention, it’ll come in handy if the guy you’re “dating” is in need).
5. No Monologues
This can totally happen on a normal date, but with speed dating it’s even more problematic and annoying as you are only working with 3-5 minutes. It’s very easy to be long-winded and want to tell the person everything about yourself to impress them. However, keep in mind you have a VERY short amount of time, so even if you manage to miraculously get your whole life story out by the ding of the bell, you could end up not knowing anything about your date. It should really be an exchange of information, give and take.
6. Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell
Do NOT ask for someone else’s digits or business card at the event, nor should you feel obligated to give your digits out if asked. Speed Dating is designed to be a no-pressure environment. If you want someone to know you like them during an event, let them buy you a drink and talk with them more during a break and definitely select them as a “match” post-event.
7. Perfect Strangers
I know it may be more comfortable to sit next to the two girlfriends that you came to the event with, but it can be VERY intimidating for a guy to speed date a group of friends sitting right next to each other. Furthermore, the constant looks, comments and/or assessments from your friends may sway or distort your own views of a guy. I’ve been to speed dating events where I didn’t meet any guys, but instead ended up hitting it off with the women sitting on either side of me. If you’re sitting by women you already know, you’re not going to meet any new “wing women.”
8. Cruel Intentions
Don’t write someone as a “match” post-event if you have no intention of seeing them again. Sometimes people feel obligated to check someone off as a “match” because they may have seemed like a nice person, however, that is not what speed dating is about. For guys, it tends to be an “ego” thing, where they want as many women as possible to also check them as a “match,” so they select every woman in attendance hoping they’ll reciprocate. Speed dating is not a popularity contest, nor is it intended to be a self-esteem builder. Speed dating is designed to help you find someone you want to date.
9. Desperate Times Call For Desperate Measures
If you didn’t follow my advice about not going to an event where the dates are longer than five minutes and you find yourself on a painfully long date where you seriously think you might not make it, I would suggest an urgent, couldn’t be avoided, bathroom break. Do not use this tactic too often, make it sound convincing and time it appropriately so you’re back just in time for your date with the hot guy seated at table four.
10. Know Before You Go
If you get the sense that someone came with friends, it might be a good idea to confirm this notion as you may end up checking two men as a “match” that are friends and dating them both could be problematic.
Courting a lady isn’t as straight forward as it used to be. Back in the day, dating etiquette was well-established and everybody played by the same rules. Men would open doors for women, help them with their coats, and have them home by nine. Couples would go to the soda shop for the first date, to the drive in for the second, up to “old make out point” for the third, and would most likely be getting married on the fourth.
- Don’t take her out to dinner on the first date
These days, the most popular first date is the weeknight ‘getting-a-couple-drinks’ date. And, for good reason. It’s non-committal, relatively brief by necessity, and the drinks help to calm everybody’s nerves. So, don’t try to impress with a 4-star restaurant when you barely know the person. This way, you’ll keep your wallet intact and she won’t feel beholden. Plus, if the sparks don’t fly, it’s easy to retire the evening early.
- Hug her at the beginning of the date
Breaking down the physical barrier at the beginning of the date makes the rest of the date so much easier. At the beginning of the date, give her a hug, and tell her how delightful she looks. Also, by showing your attraction to her early on, you free her to reciprocate gestures of attraction throughout the date, making it easier for you to judge how well the date is going.
- Look your best
Well, duh. But, a lot of the times when guys try to dress up for a date, they end up wearing something they aren’t trulycomfortable in. You should dress up a little, sure, but, try to wear something that makes you feel like a million bucks. If you don’t have any clothes that make you feel like George Clooney in Ocean’s 11, go out and find some.
- Be a class act
Chivalry may be dead, but she’ll like you more if you try to revive it just a little. Open the door for her, pull out her chair, support her on icy sidewalks, etc… Despite the obvious self sufficiency of the modern woman, courtesy is still courtesy. A dash of chivalry shows your attraction and ability to protect and nurture. But, it’s important not to take this too far. You don’t want to seem old fashion, or as though you’re trying real hard to impress. Just be be a good, considerate guy who knows the pleasure of treating a lady as such.
- Compliment her and others
When you’re on a date it’s good to toss out a few genuine compliments. But, unless you’re Dennis Leary, you probably already knew that… So, let me say that it’s a good idea, not only to compliment your date, but to also talk nicely about people that you both know, or people that you’ve met throughout the night. By projecting kindness towards people that aren’t around, you’ll show that you tend to see the positive side of things, which is a very attractive characteristic.
- Embrace your inner weird
A lot of people tend to go all glossy on dates. Sort of like a job interview, you really just want to seem appealing. This is a mistake. First, you actually become less attractive by paving over what sets you apart… But, more importantly, if you highlight your idiosyncrasies, you’ve got a better shot of finding a girl that compliments you, and tolerates your obsession with minimalist free jazz .
- Change your sheets
Be prepared… The Boy Scouts know what they’re talking about. When you go out on a date with someone, there is always the possibility that you’ll end up back at your place. So, change the sheets, and get rid of any debris that is usually strewn about. If, in the end, the date was totally awkward, at least you’ve got a clean place to come home to.
- Pay for the date
That’s right… Beyond it being a kind gesture, offering to pay is a good way to get information on how the date is going. When the check comes, beware if she really does seem to want to pay her share. If she wants to pay, it’s because she really doesn’t want to feel obligated to you in any way shape or form. But, the single fake-wallet-grab is a good sign. Don’t worry, she’s gonna let you pay this time… She knows you’re going to be eating all the ice cream out of her fridge in about two weeks
- Kiss Her
If the first date has gone reasonably well, go for the kiss at some point towards the end. A so-so date that ends with a great kiss can = an awesome date. Sometimes you just gotta get the kiss out of the way before you can really feel comfortable with someone. So, man up and kiss her. Just do it. She’ll be glad you did. Hopefully.
- Don’t try to sleep with her
Despite the advice from 20 seconds ago (you should still tidy up your place, it’s starting to smell a little), having sex on a first date is not a good idea if you think you might want a relationship with the person. Studies have shown that people who have sex on a first date have a lot more trouble developing a good date into a relationship than those who are content delaying gratification. So, even if the date is going really, really well, don’t push for the sleep over. After all, it’s always nice to have something to look forward to, and, when all is said and done, she’ll fancy you a gentleman.
About the author:
Michael Brandon. Michael is an editor and contributor at Creative Dating Ideas.
Speed Dating Tips
Of course your personality matters, but truth be told, you’ve only got a few minutes to make an impression. Dress well and make sure your putting your best foot forward.
So easy. Even if you aren’t that excited about the mini date you are on, you may be being scooped out by the next date over!
Watch Your Body Language
Sit up straight! Crossing your arms and tapping your pen will make you appear annoyed and on guard. Lean in, smile and keep your body facing your date. Ask a friend if you have any nervous ticks (like fiddling with your pen, tapping your foot, etc) and you’ll be aware of things to watch out for.
Don’t drink too much
You’ll want to stay focused and alert and not give off the idea that you are a bar fly. You know what happens when you drink to much at a speed dating event? You check yes to everyone and no one checks yes to you.
Conversations are two sided
Don’t ask the cliché questions. Do ask open ended questions that require more than a yes or no answer. When being asked questions, make sure to turn the question back around.
Focus on the Other Person
This is probably one of the most important speed dating tips. Focus the conversation on learning more about the person you’re sitting across from than on advertising yourself. Everyone enjoys talking about things they’re passionate about. Find out what the person’s passion is, and ask questions that will draw them out.
Follow up Without Pressure
At the end of the evening or a few days later, you’ll receive contact information for people you expressed an interest in who felt the same way. Send a short, friendly email to let them know you enjoyed meeting them and thanking them. Don’t send a novel and don’t pester them if they don’t answer within a few hours or even the same day. The person may be genuinely interested, but very busy, so give them a few days to respond.
Don’t make each speed date a test or challenge. Simply look at it as an opportunity to meet lots of interesting people and make some new friends. If you do these simple speed dating tips, you’ll find yourself enjoying the evening for its own sake. If a few dates come out of it, they will be a wonderful bonus.
About the author:
Jill Jackson, Mingle Around Matchmaker at MingleAround.com
Can’t seem to keep a girlfriend or boyfriend and you don’t know why?
Couples call it quits for countless reasons and you’re likely to experience at least one break up before you find that perfect someone. Different personalities, different interests and different goals are good reasons for couples to go their separate ways. But if you find yourself unable to hold down a relationship for longer than five minutes, perhaps the problem isn’t different goals — maybe it’s you.
We all have insecurities – it’s a part of being human. But when your insecurities spiral out of control, this can make your significant other run for the hills. Battling major insecurity issues can result in the constant need for reassurance and attention. You might keep a tight grip on your girlfriend or boyfriend out of fear that he or she might leave you. This includes always inquiring about his whereabouts or becoming paranoid if she talks to someone of the opposite sex. This type of behavior is exhausting and can drive your significant other crazy. A person can only take but so much before they say goodbye to a relationship
There’s nothing wrong with close family ties, and you should want your significant other to get along with your family. But if boundaries aren’t respected, this can create problems in your relationship. You need to draw a line between what’s family business and what’s relationship business. It only takes a few meddling family members to kill your relationship. However, it’s your responsibility to establish boundaries and discuss non-accpetable behavior with your family. This can be difficult if meddling comes from a parent or grandparent. Ignoring the issue only makes the problem worse and meddling family members can scare off every person that you bring home.
It’s difficult to establish a long-term relationship when your personal finances aren’t in order — more so if your significant other is on top of his and her finances. You don’t need a ton of money in the bank, but at least have something tucked away for a rainy day. If you can’t keep a job and are always asking for money, moving forward in a relationship is not going to be easy. And if you have bad credit or a lot of consumer debt, perhaps now’s the time to make credit improvements. At some point every couple has the credit and money talk. Be prepared because if you’re not in a good place, this can put the brakes on your relationship.
Keeping Secrets or Just Plain Lying
A relationship without trust isn’t likely to end well. There’s no rule that says you have to divulge every waking move. But if you have some monster skeletons in your closet, it’s best to come clean early in the relationship. Secrets have a way of revealing themselves, and the longer you keep your secrets, the harder it is for your significant other to accept them.
Of course, some relationships just aren’t meant to last, and despite your best efforts, you might find yourself alone. But if you take steps to overcome a few of your obvious issues, this can put you a step closer to finding the love of your life.
The early stages of a relationship are exciting and it’s normal for couples to spend every waking moment together. Perhaps you felt this way in the beginning. You might have called your girlfriend several times throughout the day, scheduled multiple weekly lunch dates and planned your weekends around her schedule. We’ve all been there – but eventually – the newness of the relationship fades and you might find yourself longing for a little space
Feeling suffocated can happen when couples spend too much time together. Spending time together is crucial to a successful relationship, but this doesn’t suggest ignoring friends or personal interests. Getting space isn’t an issue if your girlfriend desires a little alone time herself. But if your girlfriend is a tad bit clingy, getting the space that you need requires a delicate approach.
- Be open about your feelings. Rather than fall off the radar and ignore your girlfriend’s calls or texts, discuss your feelings with her. Explain that you enjoy spending time together, but at the same time, you need space to enjoy personal interests. Pulling a disappearing act is the easiest way to handle the space issue, but this action is likely to raise suspicion in your girlfriend’s mind and complicate your relationship. The more honest you are about your whereabouts, the easier it is for her to loosen her grip and give you the space that you need.
- Encourage your girlfriend to take time for herself. There’s no reason for your girlfriend to sit home lonely while you’re out with your friends. Highlight how enjoying a little space benefits both of you. This gives your girlfriend the chance to catch up with her friends, spend time with her family or take up a hobby. Space gives both of you a measure of independence, wherein you don’t have to rely on each other for happiness or entertainment.
- Create a tentative schedule. To make sure that you’re both on the same page, you can keep track of your designated “alone periods.” Not to say that you can’t break or alter this schedule. But if there’s a certain time of the week or month that you want to hang with friends or simply be alone, record this on a shared calendar. For example, you might set aside Monday evenings to play ball with the guys or every other Saturday to hang out with your friends.
- Give her enough time. Getting the space that you need is important and okay. However, always taking space for yourself and spending very little time with your girlfriend can create problems in your relationship. If you give your girlfriend the time and emotional support that she needs, she’ll be more than happy to loosen her grip. In fact, she might encourage you to spend time with your friends. Plan weekly or bi-weekly date nights, keep her in the loop, and if she’s feeling unusually clingy, adjust your schedule and give her the extra time that she needs.
The more understanding you are, the easier it is to get the space that you need. It’s easy to chalk up your girlfriend’s feelings to neediness or clinginess. But for one second, put yourself in her shoes. How would you feel if the situation were reverse? Seeing yourself through her eyes could shed some light on her feelings and reveal some imbalances on your part.
Breaking up is never easy, but even if you agree that it’s best to be a part, thoughts of your ex can take over your mind. How is he doing? Is he okay? Does he think of you? It’s natural to grieve after a break up and there’s nothing wrong with thinking about your ex. But if you think about him during every waking moment and if you’re dreaming about him at night, it’s time to break free and stop obsessing.
- Fill Your Time With Other Activities. Thoughts of your ex might pop into your head at random times. You might hear a song that reminds you of him or go to a restaurant that you ate at together. While you can’t control random, sudden thoughts, you can control whether you obsess over your ex and dwell on the past. Whenever thoughts of your ex begin to take over after breaking up, quickly shift your focus and think about something else. For example, if you normally start obsessing at night when you’re alone, grab a book, turn on the television or hop online and check up on your favorite blogs. The mind can only focus on one thing at a time.
- Delete Him as a Friend on Facebook. This might seem like a bitter child-like move. But if you find yourself constantly checking his profile page and keeping tabs on his location, perhaps it’s time to break free. Facebook has a way of uncovering the secret stalker in us and it’s the easiest way to obsess over an ex after breaking up. Deleting him as a Facebook friend means that you can no longer access his profile page. Since you’re now unable to read his conversations and learn of his whereabouts, you can begin to move on with your life.
- Get a New Life. Idle time is a recipe for loneliness. The more lonely you feel, the more you’re likely to obsess over your ex after breaking up. Don’t give your ex power over your emotions. Besides, he’s probably out enjoying his life. Why shouldn’t you? You had a life before him and you’ll have a life after him. Call up your best girlfriends and enjoy a night on the town. Volunteer with an organization to keep yourself busy or tackle a personal project. The busier you are, the less time you have to obsess over your ex.
- Think About the Negative Aspects of the Relationship. No relationship is perfect and neither is your ex. It’s easy to focus on the good times and his good qualities after breaking up. But if you’re trying to get him out of your mind, focusing on the positive isn’t the best idea. In this situation, it’s okay to focus on the negative. What were your ex’s faults or bad habits? What didn’t you like about him? Did he mistreat you? Does the bad outweigh the good? Being realistic about the relationship and acknowledging your ex’s true colors is the quickest way to stop obsessing and move on.
Understand that there’s no overnight cure for getting over an ex. They’ll be good days and they’ll be bad days. Realize that it takes time and don’t be too hard on yourself. Stick with these tips and take it one day at a time. And before you know it, thoughts (and feelings) of him will be a thing of the past.
We all know that our men hate those love movies that we drool over, and if it wasn’t for the fact that some movies have boobies and fighting; they would probably never watch them. So next time you both want a movie that you will not hate, check out some of these must sees that you both will love.
This is one of the best movies for both sexes. Jason Statham and Brad Pitt both hunks star in this action-comedy about a boxing promoter that ends up in too deep with his mob boss and needs to win a bare knuckle brawl with either him or a fighter in order to settle the odds. It also has a subplot on the side lines about a group of dudes who decide to steal a huge jewel.
He gets his action, crime, even some gore while you get Brad Pitt wearing no shirt and a little bit of comedy throughout the movie.
This is a romantic comedy that stars John Cusack about a hit man that takes a trip back to his high school reunion and to the girl from high school that he never completely got over. He is definitely the same Cusack that you fall in love with over and over again.
He gets explosions and shoot outs galore, while you get to have him see all the sweet ideas John Cusack comes up with throughout the movie.
This is a classic Steve Martin movie about a story of a man that was raised by a black family, and then grows up crushed that he is going to “stay this color.” He sets out in the world to find his purpose in life and it comes with success, love, and comedy.
He gets to watch Steve Martin earlier on in his career with some comedy, and you will definitely love what his special purpose in life is.
This is a Schwarzenegger spoof on all those spy movies, which is also a spy movie itself. The Governator is actually a spy that is hiding his real job from his family. Jamie Lee Curtis stars as the wife that gets convinced that she is mixed up within a CIA plot and ends up in some real danger.
He gets Jamie Lee with a hot bod, Arnold, and a lot of stripping and fighting while you get the relationship and things hidden from those we love.
This is the first movie where Daniel Day-Lewis was viewed as sexy. An American settler was adopted by the Mohicans and grows up killing a lot of guys in the British/French colonial clash. A lot of the movie is also about him protecting, and falling in love with a British woman.
He gets tomahawk fights, while you get sexy eye candy.
Johnny Depp stars in this thriller about a drug dealer. It is based on a true story; Penelope Cruz is also in the movie as his wife. He shows how he took the drug market over in the 70s.
He gets violence, drugs, rock and roll while you get Johnny Depp and some comedy throughout the way.
Jason Statham this is an exciting, and heart pumping movie about a drug dealer whose heart was injected with poison. He has to keep his heart rate up if he wants to live. Sex, drugs, electric shock and violence are the only things keeping him alive.
He gets his violent action packed movie, while you get to stare at great built, sweaty Jason Stathom.
This is definitely a quote worthy movie starring Patrick Bateman who has some serious psychopathic problems that he needs to deal with along the way in the movie. You will be surprised and somewhat humored throughout the movie.
He gets gore and violence, along with some boobie shots while you get to see a lot of naked men scenes and Patrick Bateman.
One slick gangster by the name of Slevin gets mistaken as his friend when he stays at his house, and in order to get out he has to go through a series of tricks and slicks. This is definitely a movie worth watching because the turns are amazing.
He gets a lot of action packed fun, while you get the romance in the background.
This movie goes without saying. It is about the Spartans that go into war, and have to rise as victors over one of the richest and most influential cities out there: the Persians. This is a movie that stars Gerard Butler who is the leader of the Spartans.
You get a lot of men in very little clothes with some heated romantic sex scenes, while he gets those sex scenes, gore, violence, and sword fights.
While looking back on some of your past relationships, it is okay to find your flaws and what went on and laugh about it, but if you’re not learning from this then you’re not doing your current or upcoming relationships any favors. Any girl that is ready to be in a relationship wants 10 things from the guy they are with, and surprisingly mostly every girl wants these things. So make sure to get your check marks ready and try something new this time around.
- Acknowledgement of those special occasions that come up – A lot of girls say they want nothing for these occasions, but they secretly do so keep that in mind. Something thoughtful overrules a cheap box of candies. This gives her proof that you care.
- Someone that shows interest in who she is, how she became her, and a general interest in her life – He should ask questions and become involved in her life. You want to know all about him; shouldn’t he want to know who you are?
- Someone that is proud to be with her, and is excited when he sees her – When he is around his friends, he should introduce her and be proud to show her off and let her know you’re happy to be around her and see her.
- Appreciation on normal days – Did she do things for you just because? Do your laundry, make you smile, make you dinner or dessert? Then let her know, even a simple “thank you” will do. She just wants to know you noticed and care.
- Someone that is willing to give as much as they get – If she is putting her all into the relationship, and getting nothing back in return then she is not going to be happy. It is bad to have just one person doing all of the work in the relationship.
- Someone that is already on their own path – While living in your parent’s basement might sound tempting, someone who is on their own two feet is better. There might be times where things are tough, but being on your own and independent is what almost every woman wants.
- Someone looking for commitment and marriage down the road – If you have some type of commitment issues or just want a simple, unattached relationship this is not going to make it. You should let it be known early and often.
- Someone who likes simple, uncomplicated things – Ordinary things like going for a walk can be nice sometimes. Taking the time out of your day to go do these things with her says a lot on your part. Sometimes guys over think what girls really want.
- Someone who accepts the compliments given, and compliments back – You should be confident enough in yourself to accept the compliments and confident enough to dish them back out.
- Someone who embraces his own imperfections and likes hers – We all know that no one is perfect, and if you have flaws they should not be deal breakers for anyone involved. If you’re picky about people’s imperfections, then chances are they can spot yours just as easily.
If you have met someone online, and you start steady dating; what exactly do you tell people when they ask you how you met? There is still a little stigma going around on online dating, but not as much as there was years back. The stigma is mostly in the dater’s mind in all actuality because of what is being said and how it is being said. The best thing for you to do in this situation is to tell the truth about how you met. You should let people know that the internet has come a long way. Of course, if you still need to come up with some extras to go along with your “how we met online” story, as I have had to come up with, here are some pointers.
Know why you chose to date online right from the beginning. Is this dating fun to you? Do you want your online dates to become something more serious? Were you just curious to see how the whole online dating scene is? Are you tired of the traditional dating methods? Knowing the why about the situation can help you explain to family and friends, and even convince yourself that meeting someone online is not that bad.
Decide how you want people to know. Do you want to just come clean on your own or do you want to get busted? The only way to not be able to have a smooth plan is to be caught off guard with it. You will not know what to say in this type of situation. After you have a few dates with the person, you’re going to want to decide on how and when you should tell people how you met. This way, you’re prepared if you are ever caught off guard.
Take the stage and own the whole thing. When you decide to tell people, make sure to own it, live up to what you say. You should sound calm and confident. Make sure to take the previous tips and apply them to this one. Don’t beat around the bush, or blush when someone asks or you start telling them about it. Plan something simple and shameless. Get right to the point. The good news is that you met someone, and you’re hitting it off with them, not how you met.
Get the entire story straight the first time you tell it. If you’re going to be telling people about you two, then you need to make sure that you are both on the same page. This is because the story is going to be different if you’re not on the same page. This can become a problem in the end. If you tell people about how you really met and he is saying a whole different story; this is not going to be a good thing in the end.
The problem that comes from this is not telling other people and their reactions, but more of how you might be ashamed that you turned to online dating in the first place, but hey, there is no shame in it. You should feel comfortable with what you’re doing before doing it. If you want to get online, flirt around and see what happens and you’re okay with it then go for it.
There are many guy habits out there, but do girls ever say anything when a guy does something that she absolutely cannot stand? This is because yes, there are a few things that you guys out there should be aware of when it comes to dating a girl. She is not going to like every little thing about you, just like you will not for her, but you should be aware of what these things are so you do not come on to strong with them. Take a glance at what some women say their pet peeves are.
5. Saying that Nothing is Wrong – When she knows you, and asks you what is wrong; she really does know that something is wrong and even when you say “nothing” that does not help the situation. She wants to know what is bothering you instead of having to beat it out of you.
4. Texting While Out Together – This goes for you too ladies. When you’re out on a date, and you’re with each other and supposed to spending time with each other, do not flip out your phone and go to town talking to someone else. Not only is it rude and disrespectful, but it shows that you really do not care for spending time with her right now.
3. Saying You Hate Her Friends – We get that you cannot like everyone, just like we can’t but do you have to openly express your hate about them? This is something that you might want to keep to yourself in order to get a few extra points in our book. Grin and wave boys, keep the mean comments to yourself. Just like we will about your man friends when we really do not like them.
2. When You Forget Important Dates – These are important things that you should remember, and if you do not think you can remember them, then you should take the time to write them down somewhere so that you can see them when the date comes up and you do not have to apologize for being shorthanded when the special day arrives and you have no clue about it.
1. If you’re Not Romantic When in the Beginning of the Relationship, You Say You Are – This is something that should go without saying. Not only because girls love romance, but because if you stated you were before, then why would it change now? You need to make sure you show her just how romantic you really are.