Seven Tips for Dating over 40


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The dating game is a little different for men and women over 40. On the positive side, they know what they want out of life and out of a potential partner.  Many other factors, including bad experiences in past relationships, time off from the dating scene and energy devoted to career and children make them wary of meeting new people. Here are some ways the over-40 set can readjust to dating:

 

Use Technology to Screen Dates

Do a bit of research before going out for coffee. Talk on the phone a few times or use video Skype – you need to hear and/or see your potential date for some pre-screening. Don’t be wary of dating technology; it’s your friend.  Hearing a voice or seeing someone via webcam their home computer is a lot more spontaneous and telling than simply using e-mails and Facebook posts to ger acquainted. If you’ve been out of the dating pool for awhile and haven’t used online dating, consider posting a profile. Have a tech-savvy friend help you if your prior dating experience involved old-fashioned methods like singles bars or in-person matchmaking.

If a potential date sounds like a flake (or worse) after a few conversations or video chats, you may want to opt out of a real-life date. Some people may come off better in person than on the phone, but gracefully end communication if you get a bad feeling about the person or just aren’t interested. If someone seems desperate to meet you or gives you an ultimatum (“We have to go out on Tuesday night. I can’t reschedule.” ) avoid them. If they are that bossy now, imagine what they’d be like in a relationship!

 

 Act Naturally

Forget about all the dating rules you followed when you were younger. You’re probably so set in your ways you wouldn’t follow them if someone asked you to! And that’s a good thing. It’s no use pretending you’re something you’re not to attract a date – sooner or later, they’ll discover the real you, so save yourself time and act naturally. Potential dates who are really interested in you will respond – the lukewarm candidates you wouldn’t want anyway will stay away.

 

Look Your Best, but Don’t Turn on the Time Machine

 Experiment with different looks before going on a date. Choose clothes, shoes and a hairstyle that make you look good. Don’t try to look younger or replicate the outfit you wore on the first date with an ex years ago. Accentuate your best assets, and camouflage flaws. Don’t be too casual, but don’t overdress either.   Women should avoid excessive make-up and jewelry.  Both men and women should avoid wearing clothing with logos on them. It’s way to casual and tells your date you didn’t put much thought into your appearance.

 

Focus on the Present, Not the Past

Talk about what you’re doing now what you plan to do in the future Eventually the conversation will lead to stories from your past and your date’s past. But don’t dwell on what you did 10 years ago – you date wants to hear about the person you are now. Big no-no – don’t talk about your ex in detail on the first date.

 

Be Open to New Types of  People

Once you get to 40, you’ve gone through a lot and have a lot of  baggage (both good and bad.) Don’t discount someone because you’ve had bad experiences with people in their profession before (musicians, bankers, construction workers, etc.)  Keep an open mind. Give your date the benefit of the doubt.

 

Slow and Steady Wins the Race

If  you’ve been alone for awhile, you may get all starry-eyed  two seconds after meeting an interesting , attractive date. Don’t suggest moving in or nightly dates too soon, however.  Get to know the person emotionally, intellectually and socially before making any commitments.

 

Find Fun but Age-Appropriate Date Options

Instead of going to a dance club or restaurant, think of something with more originality and pizzazz. nice but not too serious foreign film, or retro movie house. Go on a picnic in the park, a jazz concert or something a little quirky, like a visit to an interactive art exhibit. Leave the trendy flavor of the moment scenes to people in their 20s.  Draw from your life experiences to chose something memorable for you and your date.

 

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